“Confidence is the ability to smile even if your teeth are crooked.”
That is what one of my students told me when I asked my class what confidence meant to them. And that answer blew me away. Twelve year old Zy’Asia perfectly described it better than I ever could. She was completely right. Self confidence is believing in yourself despite your faults, insecurities, and failures. It is what allows you to feel sure of yourself even though you are not perfect.
As a full time martial arts teacher at Dinoto Karate Center located in Mount Laurel, New Jersey, I work with kids of all ages on a daily basis. Every single child has their own struggles and personalities and challenges. One thing that is similar between them all, is their growing confidence. As parents, educators, and teachers, it is our job to help them learn to love and accept themselves. It is our job to help our children build their confidence. The early years are definitely the most crucial to instill self confidence in them! I want to share with you how you can help your children build their self confidence. Even if you are not a parent or a teacher, this can be valuable information for you as well!
How To Build Your Child’s (Or Your Own!) Self Confidence
3 SIMPLE STEPS
- Help Them Discover What They Love
All children have things that they enjoy! Sports, activities, art, games, whatever it may be, find what makes your child happy! When they are very young, they may love everything. But as they continue to develop, kids grow into their own unique personalities- learning what they like, what they don’t like, and what they love! When they do what they love, it inspires self confidence within them. As humans, we enjoy things we are good at, things that relax us, things that make us feel comfortable! And that is extremely true with children. The things that your child love the most, are what boost their confidence and give them a sense of pride in themselves!
Encourage your child to try new things, and help them pick out some fun activities. Ask them what they may be interested in, and offer up some diverse ideas of your own as well. Together you and your child can come up with lists of fun things to do! Picking out some sports, activities, games, books, projects, crafts; etc, and then watching them embark on those journeys can be very exciting! Remember, this is about what your child enjoys! Allow them to do most of the choosing, and don’t force any activities. Now I know that right now in the midst of this Covid-19 pandemic, some sports teams and in person group activities are very different. Don’t let restrictions limit you and your child! There are still so many things your child will love to do at home with friends and family, outside the home while socially distancing, or anywhere virtually. Think big, and watch your child find their passions.
- Encourage With Patient And Positive Words
The way that you speak to your child makes the world of a difference. Positive and encouraging phrases will always be better than harsh criticism. Children will make mistakes, and when they do, we find kind ways to correct them. When I am teaching and I notice a student doing something incorrectly, I do not say, “No, I told you already you are kicking with the wrong leg. That’s wrong, do the other one. The other one! That looks messy!” (Even though that may very well be true LOL). Instead, I will say, “Great energy! I can tell how hard you’re working! Oh, can you kick with the other leg please? Yes, the other leg. Awesome! That looks strong, great job!”
I do not want to shy away from correcting my students, rather I do it in a way that is positive, so they don’t even notice they’re being corrected most of the time. I say something that I LOVE about what they are doing, then I throw in a correction that needs to be made, and then I praise them on the correction they made. They may not even get it right after the first try, and that is okay! Sometimes you may have to simply let it go. If every single time they mess up, you yell at them about how wrong they are, it will only hurt their confidence more. Do not shy away from correcting your children, but do it in a kind way! And make sure your praise is meaningful! Overpraising your child constantly is not the effect we want. Each encouragement should be genuine and constructive. Everything you say to your child is important, and kind words are key to help build your child’s confidence.
- Sometimes, They Need to Figure it Out
A big part of your child’s self confidence comes with independence. While children are still learning and do need the guidance and support of their parents and teachers, they also need to figure things out on their own sometimes. In order for your child to become more confident in themselves, they need to know that they can solve problems on their own. So while they do their homework, or build something with legos, or read a new book, sit back and see what they do. You can even give them more independent tasks around the house based around their age; such as making their own sandwich, folding their own clothes or doing laundry, washing the dishes, etc.
Let them know that you are there if they need you, and be prepared for them coming to you sometimes frustrated or asking for your assistance. “Failures” will happen. We know failure is an important part of the process! Be sure to remind your child that you believe in them and you know they can do it. There is nothing wrong with helping your child out, but sometimes they need some space to problem solve independently. Once your child sees that they’ve done something all by themselves, they will be extremely proud! Tell them how proud you are of them, and watch their self confidence grow as they venture out and enjoy doing more things for themselves!
The Takeaway
All children are unique, and the way they grow and learn will differ. If a child is very timid, shies away from new people and new things, and doesn’t feel very confident, that is okay! What is important is that we tell and show them all of the time that we are proud of them no matter what, and that they should be proud, too. We just need to remind them that they can do anything, and they can believe in themselves. And then we help them do that. We encourage them to try new things, discover what they love, and do those things more often. We use patient and positive words to correct and guide them no matter the mistake. And lastly, we give them the opportunities to think and figure out things for themselves and reap the rewards of being an independent thinker! All of these things are so important in helping children of all ages build confidence!
At Dinoto Karate Center, one of our focuses for our students ages 3 all the way up to 103, is self confidence. Through martial arts, we help our students build their own confidence. I have seen many children, teens, and adults alike, become so much more confident. Through commitment, hard work, exercise, and a team of dedicated teachers and fellow students who uplift and encourage each other, amazing change is accomplished. I absolutely love being a martial arts teacher and will continue to devote myself to helping my students and their families in every way possible.
If you would like to learn more about our in-person (both indoor and outdoor) or virtual online classes, visit us at https://www.dinotokarate.com/. You can also find us on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/dinotokarate and on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/dinotokarate/. Connect with us! Myself and the other instructors would love to have the opportunity to serve you!
~ Alexandra Liciaga, Master Instructor at Dinoto Karate Center in Mount Laurel, New Jersey
